Why She Left

“You’re a fucking lush, Daddy.”  Lydia stood at the front door, the spare key in her hand.  Candace stood behind her sister, watching me with her big sad eyes.  I wanted to disagree with Lydia but the mostly-gone bottle of gin in front of me wouldn’t have helped my case.  Shame rose through my gut like a scalding steam.  I stood up from my spot at the dining room table and walked towards the kitchen before the tears started.   Lydia pursued me as I left.

“Did you even look for work today?   Or yesterday?  Or any day this week?”  I dropped the bottle in the kitchen sink as I passed and kept walking.  Candace took a small step into the house and closed the door behind her.

“Christ, Lyd.   Give me a break please,” I pleaded over my shoulder.  “This hasn’t been easy for me.”  I wiped my eyes and stopped at the stairs.  It hadn’t been easy.  It had been goddamned hard, in fact.  Who was she to scold me?  She and Candace still had each other.  And they both hated me.

“No shit it’s hard for you.  But it’s been hard for Candace and me too.”

“That’s not right, Lyd,” I said as I turned to face her.  She had her mother’s fierce eyes and my stubborn determination.

“Do you realize how hard you make life,” she said.  “It doesn’t have to be this – this complex.”

“I don’t see it as complex, Lyd,” I replied.  “I get up in the morning.   I drink a bottle of gin.  Then you and Candace ambush me in my pajamas at four in the afternoon and bring me dinner.  Seems simple enough to me.  Candace, please come in and sit down.”  She didn’t.  

“Really, I don’t know what you want from me, girls,” I continued.  

Lydia furrowed her brow as she gazed at me in a way that I had gotten to know very well since her mother left.  Today’s look had a different shade to it though.  

Candace spoke from the living room.  Her voice was rushed, like she hadn’t used it in a long time.  

“We’re leaving,” she said.  “We’re going to live near mom.”  She shared a look with Lydia and I knew immediately they were serious.  

“And Lydia is right,” she said.  “You are a fucking lush.”  Candace turned and walked out the front door.  

“Goodbye, daddy.”  Lydia kissed me on the cheek and left.  Jesus.  Jesus fucking Christ.  What the fuck just happened.  I walked to the kitchen sink and pulled out my bottle of gin.  I sat down at my spot at the dining room table.  I filled my glass, emptied it, and filled it again.  

daily prompt: Lush

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